i already hear my dad disowning me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
