All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
