If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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