Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
