I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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