my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My feet surprised me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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