It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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