I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
