I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this hospital has no fireball
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
