The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
