so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
