Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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