I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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