hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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