This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
