I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
