drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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