dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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