I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
