That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
