I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
