Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize