It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
