I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
