His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
