We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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