my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
