Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
