theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
