I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to fling myself into the sun
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
