i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
