Midget sex pt 2 tonight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
