did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
