So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
