Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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