I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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