Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Say something about gay babies.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
