i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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