i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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