It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
