i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
