I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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