Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
