something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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