Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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