I have demons in me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
