i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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