My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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