I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
