Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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